‘I took meth to slow down’ – ex-inmate with ADHD describes his search to feel normal

Ricky Wakelin turned to methamphetamine in his youth to feel normal with ADHD.
The numbers of those with ADHD in prisons is staggering. But ADHD-thinkers are also more likely to be successful CEO’s and entrepreneurs. So where is the fork in the road? What leads someone down the wrong path?
Ricky Wakelin is a kind and gentle father of two. But 20 years ago, his life had spiralled out of control. Ricky was a drug addict, hooked on meth and other hard drugs. He was desperate to find a way out, but, despite numerous efforts, he was unable to find the right support.
One morning, in 2005, he reached breaking point.
“The night before I was done with my life”, he says. “I was like, ‘You know what? I’m either going to jump off a cliff or rob a bank.’ And so I robbed a bank”.
Wakelin is speaking to Sonia Gray on her NZ Herald podcast, No Such Thing as Normal. He talks candidly about his early life and the events leading up to the armed robbery. The crime is one he deeply regrets. It carried a four-year prison term, but Ricky was released on probation after 23 months.
Gray says Wakelin contacted her on social media in May this year. “He asked if I thought there was a connection between undiagnosed ADHD and the high rates of meth use and incarceration”, she says. “Ricky had seen it in his own whanau, and it’s part of his story. But I’m not sure many people are aware of the intersection – until it’s too late”.
The rates of criminality, incarceration and substance abuse disorder are shocking for those with ADHD. Research from Otago University shows people with ADHD are nearly five times as likely to spend time behind bars.
Forensic psychologist Anton Ashcroft, who worked in prisons for many years, says neurodevelopmental conditions like ADHD are extremely common. “The research varies, but approximately 50% of those in prison have diagnosed – or undiagnosed ADHD”, he says. “The rates for dyslexia are high too… But there are nearly always other factors, such as a history of childhood abuse or trauma. Collectively, they increase the risk of offending”.
Three years ago, an assessment confirmed Wakelin had ADHD, and the diagnosis has helped him make sense of his life. It explained his struggle to fit in at school and in social situations. More importantly, he discovered there was a name for the emotional dysregulation and shame he’d always felt.
“When the psychiatrist told me about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria it was a light bulb moment for me”, the 42-year-old says. “I was like ‘finally..finally someone who understands it’s not something that you can just switch off’. I don’t want to be like this – all over the place. I would love to be ‘cruisy’. That middle ground is something I long for”.
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) is innate to the ADHD experience. It describes the intense physical and emotional response to criticism – either real or perceived – that people with ADHD experience. It can generate anger, shame, anxiety and low-self esteem. Wakelin believes RSD was partly to blame for his addiction to methamphetamine and other illegal stimulants.
“I didn’t get a high (from the drugs). They would slow me down, they’d give me baseline”, he says. “I was able to stay in one space, as opposed to needing to get up and move from place to place with no direction, looking for something…but with no idea what I was looking for”.
Anton Ashcroft says it’s not surprising the rates of meth addiction among people with ADHD is high.. “If you have a stereotypical physiological response to stimulants, they actually calm you down”, he says. “‘I’ve got linear thinking. I can focus my thinking. I can pay attention to things for a longer period of time. My god! Is this how normal people feel?’”
According to ADHD NZ, methamphetamine can be easier to access than prescription medications for ADHD, and this can lead to substance use disorder. They say early diagnosis and safe ADHD-specific medication helps protect against illicit drug use later in life.
Ricky Wakelin left the world of drugs and crime behind when he was released from prison. But he knows the same struggles exist.
“For me, 20 years ago I found it very, very hard to access help….I think that’s still a very, very real thing for many young people”, he says. “Whatever I can do to help, I will do”.
No Such Thing as Normal is a NZ Herald podcast, hosted by Sonia Gray, with new episodes available every Saturday.
Season One won Best History & Documentary Podcast at the 2024 NZ Radio and Podcast Awards, and was one of Apple Podcast’s Most Shared series in 2023.
The series was made with the support of NZ on Air.
You can listen to it on iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.